I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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