peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i have two assholes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
