I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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