I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
