Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
