okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
