I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
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Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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