i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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