I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
