drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
