she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
