ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
