Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
