We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
