ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
