HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
