im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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