Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
