He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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