she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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