Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
