I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
