I accidentally had phone sex last night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
