i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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