It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
