I got chris browned last night
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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