that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
