Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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