It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't deserve a penis
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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