i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
