dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
