Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
