So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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