I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
