I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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