hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
