I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
