He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize