Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
