I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
