I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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