Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
