I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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