i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
