I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
