but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
