He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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