You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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