we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
