After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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