But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!