from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.