even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program