i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.