3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
