i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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