if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
