i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
