Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
