Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
