My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
