Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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