Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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