I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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