so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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